1. Of all existing things some are in our power, and others are not in our power. In our power are thought, impulse, will to get and will to avoid, and, in a word, everything which is our own doing. Things not in our power include the body, property, reputation, office, and, in a word, everything which is not our own doing. Things in our power are by nature free, unhindered, untrammelled; things not in our power are weak, servile, subject to hindrance, dependent on others. Remember then that if you imagine that what is naturally slavish is free, and what is naturally another's is your own, you will be hampered, you will mourn, you will be put to confusion, you will blame gods and men; but if you think that only your own belongs to you, and that what is another's is indeed another's, no one will ever put compulsion or hindrance on you, you will blame none, you will accuse none, you will do nothing against your will, no one will harm you, you will have no enemy, for no harm can touch you.
1. Some things in life are within our control, while others are not. We can control our thoughts, impulses, desires, and choices—essentially, anything that stems from our own actions. Outside our control are things like our body, possessions, reputation, social status, and anything else that doesn't directly result from our actions. The things we can control are inherently free and unrestricted. Those we can't control are vulnerable, subservient, and subject to external influences. Remember: if you mistakenly believe you can control things that are naturally beyond your power, or claim ownership over what isn't yours, you'll face frustration, grief, and confusion. You might even blame others, including higher powers, for your misfortunes. However, if you accept that you only truly possess what's within your control, and acknowledge that external factors belong to others, you'll live free from compulsion and hindrance. You won't blame or accuse anyone, nor will you act against your will. No one can harm you, and you'll have no enemies, for nothing can truly touch you.
Aiming then at these high matters, you must remember that to attain them requires more than ordinary effort; you will have to give up some things entirely, and put off others for the moment. And if you would have these also—office and wealth—it may be that you will fail to get them, just because your desire is set on the former, and you will certainly fail to attain those things which alone bring freedom and happiness.
If you're pursuing lofty goals, remember that extraordinary effort is required. You'll need to completely give up some things and postpone others. If you still want things like power and wealth, you might miss out on them because you're focused on higher aims. More importantly, you'll definitely fail to achieve the only things that truly bring freedom and happiness.
Make it your study then to confront every harsh impression with the words, 'You are but an impression, and not at all what you seem to be'. Then test it by those rules that you possess; and first by this—the chief test of all—'Is it concerned with what is in our power or with what is not in our power?' And if it is concerned with what is not in our power, be ready with the answer that it is nothing to you.
Focus on examining every negative thought that enters your mind. Tell yourself, "This is just a perception, not reality." Then evaluate it using the principles you've learned, starting with the most important one: "Is this something I can control or not?" If it's beyond your control, remind yourself that it's not worth your concern.
2. Remember that the will to get promises attainment of what you will, and the will to avoid promises escape from what you avoid; and he who fails to get what he wills is unfortunate, and he who does not escape what he wills to avoid is miserable. If then you try to avoid only what is unnatural in the region within your control, you will escape from all that you avoid; but if you try to avoid disease or death or poverty you will be miserable.
2. Remember that the desire to achieve something promises its attainment, and the desire to avoid something promises escape from it. Those who fail to get what they want are disappointed, and those who can't avoid what they don't want are unhappy. If you focus on avoiding only what is unnatural within your control, you'll successfully escape everything you wish to avoid. However, if you try to avoid inevitable things like illness, death, or poverty, you'll end up miserable.
Therefore let your will to avoid have no concern with what is not in man's power; direct it only to things in man's power that are contrary to nature. But for the moment you must utterly remove the will to get; for if you will to get something not in man's power you are bound to be unfortunate; while none of the things in man's power that you could honourably will to get is yet within your reach. Impulse to act and not to act, these are your concern; yet exercise them gently and without strain, and provisionally.
Focus on controlling what you can, not what you can't. Direct your energy towards avoiding things within your power that go against your nature. For now, let go of the desire to acquire. Wanting things outside your control leads to disappointment, and even worthy goals within your reach aren't attainable yet. Your choices to act or not act are what matter. Approach these decisions calmly and flexibly, without putting too much pressure on yourself.
3. When anything, from the meanest thing upwards, is attractive or serviceable or an object of affection, remember always to say to yourself, 'What is its nature?' If you are fond of a jug, say you are fond of a jug; then you will not be disturbed if it be broken. If you kiss your child or your wife, say to yourself that you are kissing a human being, for then if death strikes it you will not be disturbed.
3. When you find something appealing, useful, or lovable—no matter how insignificant—always ask yourself, "What is its true nature?" If you're fond of a mug, acknowledge that it's just a mug. This way, you won't be upset if it breaks. Similarly, when you kiss your child or spouse, remind yourself that you're kissing a mortal human. Then, if death takes them, you won't be overwhelmed by grief.
4. When you are about to take something in hand, remind yourself what manner of thing it is. If you are going to bathe put before your mind what happens in the bath—water pouring over some, others being jostled,. some reviling, others stealing; and you will set to work more securely if you say to yourself at once: 'I want to bathe, and I want to keep my will in harmony with nature,' and so in each thing you do; for in this way, if anything turns up to hinder you in your bathing, you will be ready to say, 'I did not want only to bathe, but to keep my will in harmony with nature, and I shall not so keep it, if I lose my temper at what happens'.
4. Before undertaking any task, consider its nature. For instance, when going to bathe, imagine the scene: water splashing, people bumping into each other, some complaining, others pilfering. You'll approach the situation more calmly if you tell yourself, "I want to bathe, but I also want to maintain my inner peace." Apply this to everything you do. This way, if something interferes with your bath, you can remind yourself, "My goal wasn't just to bathe, but to stay composed. I won't achieve that if I get angry at unexpected events."
5. What disturbs men's minds is not events but their judgements on events: For instance, death is nothing dreadful, or else Socrates would have thought it so. No, the only dreadful thing about it is men's judgement that it is dreadful. And so when we are hindered, or disturbed, or distressed, let us never lay the blame on others, but on ourselves, that is, on our own judgements. To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education; to accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun; to accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.
5. It's not events that upset people, but their interpretations of those events. Take death, for example. It can't be inherently terrible, or Socrates would have thought so. The only thing that makes death seem dreadful is our belief that it is. So when we feel frustrated, anxious, or troubled, we shouldn't blame others. Instead, we should look at our own perceptions. Blaming others for our problems shows a lack of self-awareness. Taking responsibility for our reactions is a sign of growth. True wisdom comes when we stop blaming altogether and simply accept things as they are.
6. Be not elated at an excellence which is not your own. If the horse in his pride were to say, 'I am handsome', we could bear with it. But when you say with pride, 'I have a handsome horse', know that the good horse is the ground of your pride. You ask then what you can call your own. The answer is—the way you deal with your impressions. Therefore when you deal with your impressions in accord with nature, then you may be proud indeed, for your pride will be in a good which is your own.
6. Don't take pride in qualities that aren't yours. If a horse boasted, "I'm beautiful," we might tolerate it. But when you proudly say, "I own a beautiful horse," realize that the horse's beauty is the source of your pride. So what can you truly claim as your own? It's how you handle your perceptions. When you manage your thoughts and reactions in harmony with nature, then you can be genuinely proud. This pride will stem from something that truly belongs to you.
7. When you are on a voyage, and your ship is at anchorage, and you disembark to get fresh water, you may pick up a small shellfish or a truffle by the way, but you must keep your attention fixed on the ship, and keep looking towards it constantly, to see if the Helmsman calls you; and if he does, you have to leave everything, or be bundled on board with your legs tied like a sheep. So it is in life. If you have a dear wife or child given you, they are like the shellfish or the truffle, they are very well in their way. Only, if the Helmsman call, run back to your ship, leave all else, and do not look behind you. And if you are old, never go far from the ship, so that when you are called you may not fail to appear.
7. When you're on a sea voyage and your ship is anchored, you might go ashore for fresh water. While there, you may come across a small shellfish or truffle. It's fine to pick these up, but you must keep your focus on the ship, constantly checking to see if the captain is calling you. If he does, you must leave everything behind or risk being forcibly brought back, tied up like a sheep. Life is similar. If you're blessed with a loving spouse or child, they're like those little treasures you find on shore. They're wonderful in their own right. However, if duty calls, you must return to your responsibilities without hesitation or looking back. And as you age, it's wise to stay close to your obligations, so you're always ready to respond when needed.
8. Ask not that events should happen as you will, but let your will be that events should happen as they do, and you shall have peace.
8. Don't wish for things to happen as you want them to. Instead, accept events as they unfold, and you'll find peace.
9. Sickness is a hindrance to the body, but not to the will, unless the will consent. Lameness is a hindrance to the leg, but not to the will. Say this to yourself at each event that happens, for you shall find that though it hinders something else it will not hinder you.
9. Illness may impede the body, but it can't affect your will unless you allow it. A limp may slow your leg, but it doesn't limit your determination. Remind yourself of this with every challenge you face. You'll discover that while obstacles may block certain paths, they can't stop you from moving forward.
10. When anything happens to you, always remember to turn to yourself and ask what faculty you have to deal with it. If you see a beautiful boy or a beautiful woman, you will find continence the faculty to exercise there; if trouble is laid on you, you will find endurance; if ribaldry, you will find patience. And if you train yourself in this habit your impressions will not carry you away.
10. When something happens to you, remember to look inward and ask yourself what skill you have to handle it. If you see an attractive person, you'll need self-restraint. If you face hardship, you'll need endurance. If you encounter rudeness, you'll need patience. By practicing this approach, you won't be easily swayed by your initial reactions.
11. Never say of anything, 'I lost it', but say, 'I gave it back'. Has your child died? It was given back. Has your wife died? She was given back. Has your estate been taken from you? Was not this also given back? But you say, 'He who took it from me is wicked'. What does it matter to you through whom the Giver asked it back? As long as He gives it you, take care of it, but not as your own; treat it as passers-by treat an inn.
11. Never say, "I lost it," but rather, "I returned it." Has your child died? They were returned. Has your spouse died? They were returned. Has your property been taken from you? Wasn't this also returned? But you might say, "The person who took it from me is wicked." Why does it matter through whom the Giver reclaimed it? While it's in your possession, care for it, but don't treat it as your own. Instead, treat it as travelers treat a hotel room.
12. If you wish to make progress, abandon reasonings of this sort: 'If I neglect my affairs I shall have nothing to live on'; 'If I do not punish my slave-boy, he will be wicked.' For it is better to die of hunger, so that you be free from pain and free from fear, than to live in plenty and be troubled in mind. It is better for your son to be wicked than for you to be miserable. Wherefore begin with little things. Is your drop of oil spilt? Is your sup of wine stolen? Say to yourself, 'This is the price paid for freedom from passion, this is the price of a quiet mind.' Nothing can be had without a price. When you call your slave-boy, reflect that he may not be able to hear you, and if he hears you, he may not be able to do anything you want. But he is not so well off that it rests with him to give you peace of mind.
12. To make progress, let go of thoughts like: "If I neglect my work, I'll go broke" or "If I don't discipline my child, they'll misbehave." It's better to starve and be free from anxiety and fear than to live in comfort but be mentally troubled. It's better for your child to misbehave than for you to be unhappy. Start with small things. Did you spill some oil? Has your wine been taken? Tell yourself, "This is the cost of emotional freedom and peace of mind." Everything has a price. When you call for someone's help, remember they might not hear you, or they might not be able to do what you need. But they don't have the power to give you inner peace – that's up to you.
13. If you wish to make progress, you must be content in external matters to seem a fool and a simpleton; do not wish men to think you know anything, and if any should think you to be somebody, distrust yourself. For know that it is not easy to keep your will in accord with nature and at the same time keep outward things; if you attend to one you must needs neglect the other.
13. If you wish to make progress, be prepared to appear foolish or simple to others. Don't seek recognition for your knowledge, and if someone thinks highly of you, be skeptical of yourself. Remember, it's challenging to align your will with nature while also maintaining your outward appearance. If you focus on one, you'll inevitably neglect the other.
14. It is silly to want your children and your wife and your friends to live for ever, for that means that you want what is not in your control to be in your control, and what is not your own to be yours. In the same way if you want your servant to make no mistakes, you are a fool, for you want vice not to be vice but something different. But if you want not to be disappointed in your will to get, you can attain to that.
14. It's unreasonable to expect your children, spouse, and friends to live forever. Wanting this means you're trying to control things beyond your power and claim ownership over what isn't yours. Similarly, if you expect your employee to be flawless, you're being unrealistic, as you're essentially wishing for imperfection to be perfect. However, if your goal is to avoid disappointment in your desires, that's something you can achieve.
Exercise yourself then in what lies in your power. Each man's master is the man who has authority over what he wishes or does not wish, to secure the one or to take away the other. Let him then who wishes to be free not wish for anything or avoid anything that depends on others; or else he is bound to be a slave.
Practice what you can control. Your true master is whoever has power over the things you want or don't want, able to give or take them away. If you want to be free, don't desire or avoid anything that depends on others. Otherwise, you'll end up enslaved.
15. Remember that you must behave in life as you would at a banquet. A dish is handed round and comes to you; put out your hand and take it politely. It passes you; do not stop it. It has not reached you; do not be impatient to get it, but wait till your turn comes. Bear yourself thus towards children, wife, office, wealth, and one day you will be worthy to banquet with the gods. But if when they are set before you, you do not take them but despise them, then you shall not only share the gods’ banquet, but shall share their rule. For by so doing Diogenes and Heraclitus and men like them were called divine and deserved the name.
15. Remember that life is like a banquet. When a dish comes your way, take it graciously. If it passes you by, let it go. If it hasn't reached you yet, be patient and wait your turn. Apply this attitude to your relationships with children, spouse, career, and money. One day, you'll be worthy of dining with the gods. But if you learn to refuse these offerings when presented and instead rise above them, you'll not only join the gods' feast but also share in their power. This is how Diogenes, Heraclitus, and others like them earned their divine status and reputation.
16. When you see a man shedding tears in sorrow for a child abroad or dead, or for loss of property, beware that you are not carried away by the impression that it is outward ills that make him miserable. Keep this thought by you: 'What distresses him is not the event, for that does not distress another, but his judgement on the event.' Therefore do not hesitate to sympathize with him so far as words go, and if it so chance, even to groan with him; but take heed that you do not also groan in your inner being.
16. When you encounter someone weeping over a child who's far away or deceased, or mourning the loss of possessions, be cautious not to assume that external circumstances alone cause their misery. Remember this: It's not the event itself that troubles them, as the same situation might not affect another person similarly. Rather, it's their perception of the event that causes distress. Feel free to offer verbal sympathy and, if appropriate, share in their visible grief. However, be mindful not to internalize their sorrow and let it affect you deeply.
17. Remember that you are an actor in a play, and the Playwright chooses the manner of it: if he wants it short, it is short; if long, it is long. If he wants you to act a poor man you must act the part with all your powers; and so if your part be a cripple or a magistrate or a plain man. For your business is to act the character that is given you and act it well; the choice of the cast is Another's.
17. Remember that you're playing a role in life, and a higher power determines how that role unfolds. If your part is brief, it's brief; if it's lengthy, it's lengthy. If you're meant to portray someone poor, give it your all. The same goes for playing a disabled person, an official, or an ordinary individual. Your job is to fully embody the character you've been assigned and do it justice. The casting decision belongs to someone else.
18. When a raven croaks with evil omen, let not the impression carry you away, but straightway distinguish in your own mind and say, 'These portents mean nothing to me; but only to my bit of a body or my bit of property or name, or my children or my wife. But for me all omens are favourable if I will, for, whatever the issue may be, it is in my power to pt benefit therefrom.'
18. When you hear a raven's ominous caw, don't let it unsettle you. Instead, immediately remind yourself: "These superstitions don't affect me. They might concern my body, possessions, reputation, children, or spouse, but not my true self. For me, all omens are positive if I choose to see them that way. No matter what happens, I have the power to benefit from the outcome."
19. You can be invincible, if you never enter on a contest where victory is not in your power. Beware then that when you see a man raised to honour or great power or high repute you do not let your impression carry you away. For if the reality of good lies in what is in our power, there is no room for envy or jealousy. And you will not wish to be praetor, or prefect or consul, but to be free; and there is but one way to freedom—to despise what is not in our power.
19. You can be unbeatable if you only engage in contests where you control the outcome. Be cautious when you see someone achieve high status, power, or fame—don't let your emotions cloud your judgment. If true good lies in what we can control, there's no reason for envy or jealousy. You won't desire to be a leader or ruler, but to be free. And there's only one path to freedom: disregarding what's beyond your control.
20. Remember that foul words or blows in themselves are no outrage, but your judgement that they are so. So when any one makes you angry, know that it is your own thought that has angered you. Wherefore make it your first endeavour not to let your impressions carry you away. For if once you gain time and delay, you will find it easier to control yourself.
20. Remember that offensive words or physical attacks aren't inherently outrageous; it's your perception that makes them so. When someone angers you, recognize that it's your own thoughts causing the anger. Therefore, your primary goal should be to avoid being swept away by your initial reactions. If you can pause and give yourself time, you'll find it easier to maintain self-control.
21. Keep before your eyes from day to day death and exile and all things that seem terrible, but death most of all, and then you will never set your thoughts on what is low and will never desire anything beyond measure.
21. Keep in mind daily the possibility of death, exile, and other frightening events, especially death itself. This practice will prevent you from focusing on trivial matters or craving things excessively.
22. If you set your desire on philosophy you must at once prepare to meet with ridicule and the jeers of many who will say, 'Here he is again, turned philosopher. Where has he got these proud looks?' Nay, put on no proud looks, but hold fast to what seems best to you, in confidence that God has set you at this post. And remember that if you abide where you are, those who first laugh at you will one day admire you, and that if you give way to them, you will get doubly laughed at.
22. If you decide to pursue philosophy, be prepared for mockery and ridicule. People will say, "Look at him, pretending to be a philosopher. Where did he get that air of superiority?" Don't let this affect you. Instead, maintain your convictions and trust that this is your calling. Remember, if you stay true to your path, those who initially mocked you will eventually admire you. But if you give in to their criticism, you'll only invite more ridicule.
23. If it ever happen to you to be diverted to things outside, so that you desire to please another, know that you have lost your life's plan. Be content then always to be a philosopher; if you wish to be regarded as one too, show yourself that you are one and you will be able to achieve it.
23. If you find yourself distracted by external matters, trying to impress others, realize that you've strayed from your life's purpose. Be satisfied with being a philosopher; if you want others to see you as one, prove it through your actions and you'll succeed in being recognized as such.
24. Let not reflections such as these afflict you: 'I shall live without honour, and never be of any account'; for if lack of honour is an evil, no one but yourself can involve you in evil any more than in shame. Is it your business to get office or to be invited to an entertainment?
24. Don't be troubled by thoughts like: "I'll live without recognition and never amount to anything." If a lack of honor is truly harmful, only you can bring that harm upon yourself, just as only you can bring shame. Is it really your responsibility to secure a position of power or receive invitations to social events?
Certainly not.
No way.
Where then is the dishonour you talk of? How can you be 'of no account anywhere', when you ought to count for something in those matters only which are in your power, where you may achieve the highest worth? 'But my friends,' you say, 'will lack assistance.'
Where's this dishonor you're talking about? How can you be "worthless everywhere" when you should focus on the things within your control, where you can truly excel? "But my friends," you argue, "won't get any help."
What do you mean by 'lack assistance'? They will not have cash from you and you will not make them Roman citizens. Who told you that to do these things is in our power, and not dependent upon others? Who can give to another what is not his to give?
What do you mean by "lack assistance"? You won't give them money, and you can't make them Roman citizens. Who told you we have the authority to do these things? Aren't they beyond our control? How can anyone give something that isn't theirs to give?
'Get them then,' says he, 'that we may have them.'
"Get them," he said. "We need to have them."
If I can get them and keep my self-respect, honour, magnanimity, show the way and I will get them. But if you call on me to lose the good things that are mine, in order that you may win things that are not good, look how unfair and thoughtless you are. And which do you really prefer? Money, or a faithful, modest friend? Therefore help me rather to keep these qualities, and do not expect from me actions which will make me lose them.
I'll gladly pursue success and wealth, but only if I can maintain my integrity, honor, and generosity. If I can set a positive example, I'll achieve my goals. However, if you're asking me to sacrifice my values so you can gain something questionable, consider how unfair and inconsiderate that is. What's truly important to you? Money, or a loyal, humble friend? So instead of pushing me to compromise my principles, help me preserve them. Don't expect me to act in ways that would undermine who I am.
'But my country,' says he, 'will lack assistance, so far as lies in me.'
"But my country," he says, "will miss out on my help if I don't act."
Once more I ask, What assistance do you mean? It will not owe colonnades or baths to you. What of that? It does not owe shoes to the blacksmith or arms to the shoemaker; it is sufficient if each man fulfils his own function. Would you do it no good if you secured to it another faithful and modest citizen?
Again I ask, what kind of help do you mean? The city won't owe you grand buildings or public baths. So what? It doesn't owe shoes to the blacksmith or weapons to the shoemaker; it's enough for each person to do their job well. Wouldn't you be doing the city a great service if you provided it with another loyal and humble citizen?
'Yes.'
"Yes."
Well, then, you would not be useless to it.
In that case, you would still be valuable to it.
'What place then shall I have in the city?'
"What role will I play in society?"
Whatever place you can hold while you keep your character for honour and self-respect. But if you are going to lose these qualities in trying to benefit your city, what benefit, I ask, would you have done her when you attain to the perfection of being lost to shame and honour?
Hold any position you can while maintaining your integrity and self-respect. But if you're going to sacrifice these qualities in an attempt to help your community, what good will you have really done once you've completely lost your sense of shame and honor?
25. Has someone had precedence of you at an entertainment or a levée or been called in before you to give advice? If these things are good you ought to be glad that he got them; if they are evil, do not be angry that you did not get them yourself. Remember that if you want to get what is not in your power, you cannot earn the same reward as others unless you act as they do. How is it possible for one who does not haunt the great man's door to have equal shares with one who does, or one who does not go in his train equality with one who does; or one who does not praise him with one who does? You will be unjust then and insatiable if you wish to get these privileges for nothing, without paying their price. What is the price of a lettuce? An obol perhaps. If then a man pays his obol and gets his lettuces, and you do not pay and do not get them, do not think you are defrauded. For as he has the lettuces so you have the obol you did not give. The same principle holds good too in conduct. You were not invited to some one's entertainment? Because you did not give the host the price for which he sells his dinner. He sells it for compliments, he sells it for attentions. Pay him the price then, if it is to your profit. But if you wish to get the one and yet not give up the other, nothing can satisfy you in your folly.
25. Have you ever been passed over for an invitation or promotion? If these things are truly good, be happy for those who received them. If they're not, why be upset about missing out? Remember, if you want something beyond your control, you can't expect the same rewards as others without putting in the same effort. It's unreasonable to expect equal treatment if you don't put in equal work. How can someone who doesn't network expect the same opportunities as someone who does? Or someone who doesn't flatter to receive the same benefits as one who does? You're being unreasonable if you want these privileges without paying their price. Think of it like buying lettuce. If it costs a coin and someone pays for it, they get the lettuce. If you don't pay, you don't get it. But you still have your coin. The same applies to social situations. Weren't invited to a party? It's because you didn't pay the host's price – usually flattery or attention. If it's worth it to you, pay the price. But if you want the benefits without the cost, you're being foolish.
What! you say, you have nothing instead of the dinner?
What? You're saying you have nothing to replace the dinner?
Nay, you have this, you have not praised the man you did not want to praise, you have not had to bear with the insults of his doorstep.
No, you're lucky. You haven't had to praise someone you didn't want to, nor have you endured the humiliation of waiting at their door.